Over the HUMP!

Well another week is almost over, and I would love to say I have cruised through it, but it has been a challenge.It is not that I have had intense sugar cravings, I really haven't but the HABITS that supported my sweet moments have been driving me NUTS! one of them is my bedroom, I live alone,and  part time with my 2 youngest children staying or going, which ever way, when they have their "missing mum' or 'bored of mum' moments, so I spend a lot of time alone. With this  I have a lounge room that I practically never use, its winter and really cant justify heating a large room up so I can read or watch TV.So I go to bed, where I have a cuppa and a late night snack, and yes  usually a sugar one. So my bed has been one of my TRIGGERS. What should be my cosy nest, a place of solace,nurturing and restoration turns out to be totally corrupted with SUGAR!. Well to combat that I have made sure during the day I have had my fatty protein based meals, swapped milk for cream, put a tsp of coconut oil in my tea and coffee and really made sure I have had enough to eat for my last meal. Desert always finished of my day and to help combat this I  have also bought full fat unsweetened yogurt and Greek style with all the extra cream, yummo! no more low fat for me!. So if indeed I need a fix,those are my options. Not having a sugary  tea at night was a challenge, as I am not sure if I like the taste of tea without its sweetness. Sweetened tea was always my rescuer, and made me feel so good after stressful moments or if I was sick.Sugar really is DRUG like.  So my option is to either stop having it, or swap for a hot lemon and water or just hot water even. I will  persist and maybe I might just get bored of drinking it once my brain realises that there is not longer going to be a HIT coming from it, but one thing  I am liking is adding a tsp of coconut oil to it. Its sounds really odd to have a puddle of clear fat floating oil on the top but once it hits the mouth it is having a nice mouthy affect leaving me satisfied. Perhaps sugar cravings can be confused with fat cravings, a bit like hunger and thirst, as the 2 are often can be confusing and people eat when they are actually thirsty.

RED FLAG MOMENT! I am making my sons birthday cake tonight, a mud one and it will be interesting to see how I go as at this point I don't feel  worried at all. But HABIT might break me! you know that licking the finger, or a taste of the spoon when you finish with out even thinking. This has been a family tradition that was passed down from my mother. We always got the bowl and spoon straight after she made the cake. Hmm Ill let you know in my next post and leave you with a pic of my breakfasts from the last week. 

Jen :)

Week 1 sugar elimination

Well it has been a week and yesterday I awoke with a headache, and feeling a tad fluish, I have no idea if it is the sugar detox or the fact I had been eating wheat, I really don't know if I am wheat intolerant. I have many  times  felt quite unwell for days after a bread/wheat binge-bloating, fatigue,hay fever, mood changes and brain fog/brain grain,  I am not sure.So recently  I had a some bloods and stool tests for coeliac disease. I asked for it specifically due to the ongoing digest upsets and elevated liver enzymes Transaminase. I have no idea why this is up, apparently it is not due to alcohol, as alcohol elevates other enzymes as well.  The doctor could not really explain why other than it could be FATTY LIVER!! YES I am FAT!, but the levels have always been up and interestingly enough, recent tests show the they have decreased. So my thoughts are, that since I have reduced  the amount of sugar  considerably over the years,  with only my regular outbreaks of chocolate or cakes, or biscuits, I am wondering if the in fact it is FRUCTOSE causing my elevations. Hmmm  I will indeed have a liver check in maybe 3 mths to see how things are going, and see if there is any difference with abstaining from SUGAR.. I doubt I have coeliacs even though wheat does affect me. I just don't have all of the symptoms, well the extreme ones anyway.

Whats going on in the HOME FRONT


On Saturday I did some shopping with my husband and I find it excruciatingly DIFFICULT! good lordy he is one hooked sugar baby. I shouldn't have expected anything else. His diet consists of golden syrup sandwiches, toast with jam, soft drinks, tomato sauce on everything, large tubs of ice cream,  microwave self saucing puddings, beer, chocolate and god only knows what else he has stashed or eats while he is a work. I have found evidence many times, with wrappers and cans tucked away in the car. He has always been like this and I was too till about 10 years ago. I ate chocolate daily with a doughnut, can of coke and a meat pie and we always  soft drink in the fridge. I do realise now how much I have reduced my sugar intake no chocolate or desserts daily for me and with my last child I did get gestational diabetes and that was enough to scare me into watching the sugar. I rarely buy sugary treats and only ever do when I am PMSing!. The saddest thing is I raised  all my children as sugar babies, three are adults and the 2 still at home  and are well and truly hooked. I am quite desperate now, trying really hard to break the habit and only one person stands in my way, my HUSBAND!! grrrr!!! So back to that shopping, so indeed I filled the trolley with veg and meat, oats, butter and a few bits and pieces (no sugar) and whilst standing in the spread aisle, I picked up the nutella, hmmmm 52% sugar comparing a few brands we found one labled, 25% less sugar. My husband was convinced it was ok and was going to put it in the trolley when I took it from him and read the label. It was 42% sugar! I looked at him and said NAH! lets get the organic peanut butter and both agreed bought the 1kg tub  and end of story....NOT!! I came home today and found in a shopping bag that tub of  nutella! F@#$! and not even the sugar  reduced one. HE has got a serious problem! when I quizzed him about it, he couldn't remember buying it and went in to total brain freeze , he did take a trip to the shops last night specifically  to buy our 10 year olds lunch STUFF and for some reason now, didn't remember buying that (nutella) along with chocolate custards and flavoured milks  arrgghhh! WHAT!  a total sugar FESTIVAL!. I am so angry and so over it!   This is WAR! I am determined as HELL!  so today I am going to make my own NUT CHOCOLATE spread. Ill will post pics and the recipe if it is a success. What I intend doing is using the 1kg of peanut butter and just adding extra ingredients to make something a at least half decent for them to eat. so I thinkmaybe RAW CACAO, DEXTROSE, VANILLA, MILK POWDER and COCONUT  OIL all blended up, sounds YUMBO to me :)


JEn

Well Hello! It has been quite a while since my last post and I must admit I am the worst blogger ever! I really am such a dabbler and dabble in too many things. Between work, home, kids and what ever tangent I am off on, I always seem to get distracted. I have bought about 30 books since this last blog, all on areas of interest- Paleo, gluten free baking, self help, fitness, weight loss and the list goes on. I just love reading and I just wish I would read one before getting another lol! so I have quite a few on the GO. So the one I am reading now?? well it is David Gillespie's Sweet Poison Quit Plan and yes I have been of the sugar WAGON and just recently jumped back on...Why?? well I guess it was a gradual seduction. I went Paleo, which was wonderful, but soon was tempted by the 'NO SUGAR' recipes, well not PROCESSED sugar that is. Some of the nicest and tasteful recipes that were grain free and Paleo friendly were laden with syrups, honey, and agave. Yes all full of fructose the only consolation was that maple syrup was the lowest in fructose. I think generally most of the Paleo recipes used raw honey, because it is in its natural form and doesn't need extracting from any plant or tree. So I was sucked back in, hooked and bound by the deliciousness of it all and the addicting cycle of HIT and WITHDRAWAL. The only difference now is, I think I can tackle it. In the last year I have done a lot of head work on myself, and changed a replaced quite a few habits. Its amazing when I sit back and think about it all. I have now a TINY obsession with food, and truly hunt and gather, sourcing all the good stuff. I cant believe I actually shop on the outside of supermarkets, skipping aisle after aisle, its wonderful! I occasionally only duck down an aisle, if I need baking ingredients, or a tomato paste you know, I guess there are some of the goodies that are shelved in those danger areas. What I find so hard to come to terms with is my baking. I love it with all my heart and it took a lot of convincing that abstaining was the best thing. Quite heartbreaking when you spent the last 27 years baking birthday cakes and treats for those special occasions, the smiles they brought. Anyway I am not sobbing over it any more as I have discovered new ways to present, make and bake all those goodies. I just try not to make it too often, and do try keep to the real ready made gorgeous food available.   so below I have posted two of my recent 'makes'. 

Dextrose apple and rosemary pudding

flourless choc dextrose cakes

   

here they are decorated with salted vanilla dextrose icing 

-Jen :)

Finding my Primal Six Pack- Paleo for fat loss

Well I am back-re surfaced from my deep dark abyss, and yes it has been way too long. For me last year I guess was a year of discovery. I think once again that pulled me through a very dark time between June and November last year. I had stopped all control on my eating, stopped exercising, stopped Karate, in fact I almost halted! I put back on all the weight I had thought I worked so hard to get, now I say I 'thought' because I don't think I worked that hard at all, sure yeah! eating less and moving more takes effort and you can do that temporarily, but the real work comes from the "head work" which I never did, I just thought I did. I realised now that I focused so much on what I could not control, rather than what I could. I let problem/s control me, and me not controlling them. I have had some amazing shifts emotionally in which I hope to share with you on the way as I progress. The biggest one is those feelings of self doubt which 'flash' in every now and then, they remind me of feelings of my 'old self' and rush through my body like a HOT river and leave a burning sensation. Now this happens in seconds and previously (my old self) would respond by having thoughts of " I can't do this, I just cant vision myself looking like I want". My self worth would plummet, then either would send me the fridge, ABANDON my plans or become highly REACTIVE to all around me which leads me to Another break through I had, with my BRAIN! As a child I witnessed many terrible things, a child should NEVER have to experience and this wired my brain to be REACTIVE, from all the stress and the cortisol that bathed my brain frequently would lead me into a life of a highly reactive person and I never realised, I just thought my behaviour was, well just me and how it was. So basically when I respond to stress I don't have a "step ladder" response in dealing with situations. I react immediately, so I had no coping mechanisms, no thinking time I just BANG! reacted. God! what a relief! I never knew this until I was at a training session and a random comment came from the facilitator that got me thinking, HOLY MOLY that's me! that's what happened to me and why I am like this. Well now after reading and some self education I am well on the way to dealing with it. I feel more peaceful and calmer, in fact I felt that right from the moment I heard that comment. So nearly all my life I have been living in a "fight or flight" response my poor adrenals had been doing massive overtime to the point of adrenal exhaustion.

So where am I now.....well its 2012 I am feeling emotionally the best ever! I have a plan, and some beautiful tools to get me going again on my path of my FAT SUBTRACTION. I have decided to shift my focus off of my fat and on some 'doing goals' that is I will only focus on what I DO and not the result, if that make sense. That is- I will body build-strength train 3 days a week, I will do specific cardio training on 3 other days of the week and follow a specific FEEDING plan. THAT'S IT! Notice I said FEEDING, not DIET not NUTRITION......FEEDING! I think feeding sounds more nurturing, like breastFEEDING, have you FED the kids yet?(I often ask my husband) I dont say are you breastDIETING your baby, or did you DIET the kids yet? lol! so yeah Its JEN's FEEDING PLAN! YAY!!!!

so let me back track a bit, in December I was feeling really motivated again, and read some amazing stuff that really did help me get back on track, I came across a 2012 diary, not an ordinary one I would have to say extraordinary and pretty special called CREATING MY GODDESS YEAR workbook and planner!! just what I have been looking for and its just divine I love it. So today I will officially let go of 2011 and go through a magical journey with this book you can find it at http://www.goddessguidebook.com/now-is-the-perfect-time-to/ So if you need some inner guidance and want to achieve emotionally, spiritually and physically then this book is for you!!

Another read that brought so much out for me with my thinking and habits, is Tom Venuto's The Body Fat Solution. I really thought this book would be cut and dry and all brawn, but I was wrong! Tom has educated himself really well and wow! was really awoken by some of the stuff he had to say about creating habits, your beliefs, re-framing with words, re-framing meanings,installing new success beliefs, freedom from emotional eating and a good section on your BRAIN and the list goes on. I have read a lot of books and this one is the best by far a must read!!

Ok back to my plan again- for those of you who don't know already I am PALEO now and this is my plan

1. body building plan/diary(printed out and in a folder)

2.Feeding plan (printed out and in a folder )

3.2012 work book and planner

4. Crono-meter and a printed out food diary

5. all my gym equipment

6. COMMITMENT - I am committed to create a body that will keep me alive, raise, nurture, educate and protect my family and save my life or some one else, if needed.

Now I know this commitment sounds unlike any one's or even my previous written commitment. It certainly isn't focused on vanity-although looking good is a bonus. It came from a statement or definition of fitness made my Mark Sisson (Primal blueprint) Basically being fit is being able to save your life, so for example pull yourself out of danger, swim out of a rip, carrying or dragging some one to safety. If you think about it, this could mean a family member. Now I am not being obsessed about this and certainly not a morbid focus, its a PRIMAL approach, purposeful and a good way of thinking instead of using physical image and recognising that a strong fit healthy person can actually have physical capabilities rather than standing around looking scrumptious all the time lol!

So there you have it a brief update and to where I am heading- fully Primal !

Paleo JEn xxx

Primal Plan, I am on it!!

OK so really if I am at rock bottom, then this is my first step back up. The other day I found a site from a link on one of my FB members page for a recipe gluten free 'wonder bun' here is the youtube link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uN4NAHsCKvM. Now I got excited about this because I have struggled with bread and the idea of making a paleo one or at least wheat free has been difficult, as store bought bread didn't cut it and I tried them all! so with this recipe it has all the goodies that I like. wheat free flour of choice or nut flour, linseed meal(flax), almond meal, an egg, baking soda along with molasses. The good thing about this is it is made super fast by cooking in the microwave for a total of 90 seconds (whoot!) I don't cook in a microwave in fact I don't own one as I am not a fan of it anymore, but because of the results I may even get one unless I can get the same results by baking or pressure cooking them- yet to be tried. So after making my first single serve mix I used the microwave my son has in his room and you beauty it turned out FAB!! I was really surprised as my success with cakes in the past when every man and his dog cooked in them was a total FAIL! So today I did a PALEO version where I used coconut meal(flour) instead of buckwheat and once again success. What I have now done is made single serve mixes up in small containers to have ready to go when I need one. I used and 'easy mac' container, the cheese and noodles are disgusting, and no I did not eat this micro toxic waste but being a recycler I thought it would be a handy little bowl and it is!! see pics above of my Paleo bun and I hope you give it a go, so the narrow the container the more height you will have in your bun, which would mean a wider one will give you a flatter bun.

Jen

No Sugar, No Cry LITERALLY

well I can just say that I feel absolutely miserable and totally out of whack, and more than I have been In a long time. I think I really have come to the realisation, that when I don't have sugar, I don't bloody CRY. So right now I feel so tearfully disconnected, I have no energy and my face feels like stone, and as 'floppy' as a rag doll. What on earth is going on? and how can something that tastes so insatiably gorgeous, and give you a feeling of love and contentment, suddenly leave you feeling wrecked and abandoned. I must admit I have been struggling lately with my mood, and it has been on the lower side for some time now(winter blues perhaps), I stuck to paleo, but as I got lower, that feeling of sinking made me reach out for those SUGARY life buoys, which seemed like they were TOSSED out to me to stop me from drowning in my pool of hopelessness. And now I am worse! GRAINS have also been suspect, not long after eating bread I have this slow mo feeling that I am sinking. I stare, don't think and just want to crawl into bed and fall into a coma. Now the combination of the two-sugar and grains has disabled me, made me anxious, depressed, paranoid, aggressive, tearful and slide showing me morbid thoughts of events that have not happened (and wont) but convinced that they will. Nothing like being to scared to drive anywhere for fear that your going to run down a pedestrian, or thinking your going to get T'boned at every intersection! I now count out loud how long I need to wait at a stop sign(3secs) look back and forth several times, fearing a car may appear out of no where, before flat footing it -just in case. OMG talk about crazy, I often forget where the hell I am driving. As for the car parks at the shopping centre I drive to where there are at least 3 spaces, as I am convinced the car park spaces have got smaller! and in no way can I maneuver my car in there. What to do??? hmmmm I guess try again, but I have to get to the bottom of it all as to why I am so low to start with. No sunshine,Cold temperatures, Isolation, change, all of these could have dont it. SADS season affective disorder, maybe I need a big ass! full spectrum light bulb to blare on me all day. Who Knows all I can say is I will NOT eat SUGAR or GRAINS for 90 days and see if I can pull myself out in the first 30...My first goal is getting through day one so I will check in tomorrow with my menu and how I went. F### it! I can do this I am not giving up!

It takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan

-Eleanor Roosevelt

PIC ABOVE- vanilla cupcakes made to perfection, when they are at their most dangerous! bloody bastard things why on earth was I so compelled to make them?

Burned And Regrowth

Well it has been a long time since my last post, I really have not been motivated at all to write anything and with my current lifestyle-totally sideways, I feel I have been a tad overwhelmed with everything. I have been reading way to much(its all I have), doing less, trying to cope with changes at work, obsessing with how I look, kids, dogs, cats, and, a husband who thinks I have lost the plot! I seriously was hoping everyone would come on board with what I am trying to do, and they are NOT! It so is not fair and I truly hoped my sledge hammer approach would bang it in to their darling heads, hmm I need to try a very sly approach, passive aggressive! After all, I am only trying to set them up to manage a healthy lifestyle for the rest of their lives. I know I am a different mother to them now than what I was 5-10-20yrs ago, thanks to self education- which is vital to survive, because if you never do the homework you will never know and live believing everything what is put in front of you. Well that is what I am trying to teach them.

I cant believe how much of me has 'emerged' the last few years, I would like to say changed, but I don't think I have changed, I have developed and EMERGED! So those parts of me that have been sitting silently waiting, have taken a step forward, so I was always there but people never saw it.One thing about me is I never AGE restrict myself, what I mean by that is if there was anything of interest that I want to do, I do it! No matter what age I am. So if I want to bench press 40kg I will and( I know my mother at the age of 46yrs or my aunties didn't do that), nor did they read the 100's of topics or books that I have read, nor did they do Karate and obtain coloured belts, nor did they photograph all the food that she cooked . The list goes on and on, but that is exactly it! So nothing against my gorgeous mum but I remember as a child being told by adults that they were TO OLD to participate, what! bullshit! Is this the reason why some are obese?, have diabetes?, heart disease? and died early ?because they were all to old to LEARN, MOVE and CARE! My biggest fear is being riddled with arthritis from my toxic inflamed body and to frail and weak to get my own meal at my 90th birthday(assuming I live that long on a polluted diet) and someone waiting on me hand and foot. No way in hell! am I giving up pursuing the best in me. So food and movement with always be my primary target and I hope soon I can eradicate all that manufactured zombie food out of our lives and move in ways I never have.

so where was I? well ...........

The last month has been an absolute challenge, I had slipped into a depressed state and I allowed 'other' parts of me to well and truly leap out and wreak havoc on me, mostly with food and yes SUGAR! This has taken a toll on my health and I went down hill quickly, and now I am laid up in bed with raging tonsillitis and my recovery is painfully slow. So I know now well and truly how dangerous SUGAR and trashy food are, but I just wish I could have that association with it(dangerous). If I was doused in flammable liquid I certainly would not go find a match would I?. I have also been feeling very isolated and alone recently with my job, and I feel even more so at home as I press on with how I want to live and eat. So with a brief detox I intend to dive deep into my 'ancestral' self and begin again. I have just bought a book called "the vegetarian myth' a book I know that will bring some guidance (relief) with all the confusion about what HUMANS should be eating and I highly recommend this book to everyone, vegetarian and vegan. I have a fair idea what my Ancestors of my country ate, but how do I fit it in to my life and especially my family is the question. I have tried RAW and still range between 50-80%, I have tried vegetarian and I have had a brief stint of vegan-ism, but I still did not feel right, that is health wise and now I feel quit content with paleo, which is low animal protein, moderate carbs(veg and small amounts of fruit) and high fat. 15/25/65 Ill see how I go. if anything ill tweak the carb and fat. And I think i'll rely on eating intuitively, I think it serves me well as I do love my veg only meals or even just fruit, much to the horror of my children. So OUT with all the shit food, definitely nothing refined, or manufactured I will allow small amounts of dairy such as organic yogurt, cream and paleo butter, and that pretty much it. Wish me luck

Above PIC

boiled free range organic eggs, slowed cooked kangaroo and carrots and a lovely pear. I had this for breakfast one morning

Ok some gratitude time

I would like to thank my beautiful mother for her love and gifts she has given me.

I would like to thank EMAZON Emma Barbato for her kick arse workshop 'STAND YOUR GROUND truly movemental! (if there is a new word to describe it).

I am grateful for my beautiful boys

I am grateful for all the people who shaped me into the person I am today

My plan for this week

recover from my illness

finish setting up my training area (ill be blogging this and putting up some videos of training)

Paleo menu for this week and aiming only for a 20% deficit on meal cals of course hoping the remaining deficit comes from MOVEMENT :)

draw a picture

bake some paleo cup cakes :)

Jen :)