No Sugar, No Cry LITERALLY

well I can just say that I feel absolutely miserable and totally out of whack, and more than I have been In a long time. I think I really have come to the realisation, that when I don't have sugar, I don't bloody CRY. So right now I feel so tearfully disconnected, I have no energy and my face feels like stone, and as 'floppy' as a rag doll. What on earth is going on? and how can something that tastes so insatiably gorgeous, and give you a feeling of love and contentment, suddenly leave you feeling wrecked and abandoned. I must admit I have been struggling lately with my mood, and it has been on the lower side for some time now(winter blues perhaps), I stuck to paleo, but as I got lower, that feeling of sinking made me reach out for those SUGARY life buoys, which seemed like they were TOSSED out to me to stop me from drowning in my pool of hopelessness. And now I am worse! GRAINS have also been suspect, not long after eating bread I have this slow mo feeling that I am sinking. I stare, don't think and just want to crawl into bed and fall into a coma. Now the combination of the two-sugar and grains has disabled me, made me anxious, depressed, paranoid, aggressive, tearful and slide showing me morbid thoughts of events that have not happened (and wont) but convinced that they will. Nothing like being to scared to drive anywhere for fear that your going to run down a pedestrian, or thinking your going to get T'boned at every intersection! I now count out loud how long I need to wait at a stop sign(3secs) look back and forth several times, fearing a car may appear out of no where, before flat footing it -just in case. OMG talk about crazy, I often forget where the hell I am driving. As for the car parks at the shopping centre I drive to where there are at least 3 spaces, as I am convinced the car park spaces have got smaller! and in no way can I maneuver my car in there. What to do??? hmmmm I guess try again, but I have to get to the bottom of it all as to why I am so low to start with. No sunshine,Cold temperatures, Isolation, change, all of these could have dont it. SADS season affective disorder, maybe I need a big ass! full spectrum light bulb to blare on me all day. Who Knows all I can say is I will NOT eat SUGAR or GRAINS for 90 days and see if I can pull myself out in the first 30...My first goal is getting through day one so I will check in tomorrow with my menu and how I went. F### it! I can do this I am not giving up!

It takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan

-Eleanor Roosevelt

PIC ABOVE- vanilla cupcakes made to perfection, when they are at their most dangerous! bloody bastard things why on earth was I so compelled to make them?

Burned And Regrowth

Well it has been a long time since my last post, I really have not been motivated at all to write anything and with my current lifestyle-totally sideways, I feel I have been a tad overwhelmed with everything. I have been reading way to much(its all I have), doing less, trying to cope with changes at work, obsessing with how I look, kids, dogs, cats, and, a husband who thinks I have lost the plot! I seriously was hoping everyone would come on board with what I am trying to do, and they are NOT! It so is not fair and I truly hoped my sledge hammer approach would bang it in to their darling heads, hmm I need to try a very sly approach, passive aggressive! After all, I am only trying to set them up to manage a healthy lifestyle for the rest of their lives. I know I am a different mother to them now than what I was 5-10-20yrs ago, thanks to self education- which is vital to survive, because if you never do the homework you will never know and live believing everything what is put in front of you. Well that is what I am trying to teach them.

I cant believe how much of me has 'emerged' the last few years, I would like to say changed, but I don't think I have changed, I have developed and EMERGED! So those parts of me that have been sitting silently waiting, have taken a step forward, so I was always there but people never saw it.One thing about me is I never AGE restrict myself, what I mean by that is if there was anything of interest that I want to do, I do it! No matter what age I am. So if I want to bench press 40kg I will and( I know my mother at the age of 46yrs or my aunties didn't do that), nor did they read the 100's of topics or books that I have read, nor did they do Karate and obtain coloured belts, nor did they photograph all the food that she cooked . The list goes on and on, but that is exactly it! So nothing against my gorgeous mum but I remember as a child being told by adults that they were TO OLD to participate, what! bullshit! Is this the reason why some are obese?, have diabetes?, heart disease? and died early ?because they were all to old to LEARN, MOVE and CARE! My biggest fear is being riddled with arthritis from my toxic inflamed body and to frail and weak to get my own meal at my 90th birthday(assuming I live that long on a polluted diet) and someone waiting on me hand and foot. No way in hell! am I giving up pursuing the best in me. So food and movement with always be my primary target and I hope soon I can eradicate all that manufactured zombie food out of our lives and move in ways I never have.

so where was I? well ...........

The last month has been an absolute challenge, I had slipped into a depressed state and I allowed 'other' parts of me to well and truly leap out and wreak havoc on me, mostly with food and yes SUGAR! This has taken a toll on my health and I went down hill quickly, and now I am laid up in bed with raging tonsillitis and my recovery is painfully slow. So I know now well and truly how dangerous SUGAR and trashy food are, but I just wish I could have that association with it(dangerous). If I was doused in flammable liquid I certainly would not go find a match would I?. I have also been feeling very isolated and alone recently with my job, and I feel even more so at home as I press on with how I want to live and eat. So with a brief detox I intend to dive deep into my 'ancestral' self and begin again. I have just bought a book called "the vegetarian myth' a book I know that will bring some guidance (relief) with all the confusion about what HUMANS should be eating and I highly recommend this book to everyone, vegetarian and vegan. I have a fair idea what my Ancestors of my country ate, but how do I fit it in to my life and especially my family is the question. I have tried RAW and still range between 50-80%, I have tried vegetarian and I have had a brief stint of vegan-ism, but I still did not feel right, that is health wise and now I feel quit content with paleo, which is low animal protein, moderate carbs(veg and small amounts of fruit) and high fat. 15/25/65 Ill see how I go. if anything ill tweak the carb and fat. And I think i'll rely on eating intuitively, I think it serves me well as I do love my veg only meals or even just fruit, much to the horror of my children. So OUT with all the shit food, definitely nothing refined, or manufactured I will allow small amounts of dairy such as organic yogurt, cream and paleo butter, and that pretty much it. Wish me luck

Above PIC

boiled free range organic eggs, slowed cooked kangaroo and carrots and a lovely pear. I had this for breakfast one morning

Ok some gratitude time

I would like to thank my beautiful mother for her love and gifts she has given me.

I would like to thank EMAZON Emma Barbato for her kick arse workshop 'STAND YOUR GROUND truly movemental! (if there is a new word to describe it).

I am grateful for my beautiful boys

I am grateful for all the people who shaped me into the person I am today

My plan for this week

recover from my illness

finish setting up my training area (ill be blogging this and putting up some videos of training)

Paleo menu for this week and aiming only for a 20% deficit on meal cals of course hoping the remaining deficit comes from MOVEMENT :)

draw a picture

bake some paleo cup cakes :)

Jen :)